In our third and final post about assertivness, we look to being heard. To be honest, this is a tricky one. Sometimes we do so much work on finding our courage to voice our opinion, or tell someone how we feel, that we make an automatic assumption that the person we talk to about our needs is going to respond accordingly. And that doesn’t always happen. As a result, we can feel deflated and ask ourselves, “Why even bother?’
The fact is, you can’t change another person and sometimes their habits have become their automatic reactions. We need to learn to find our voice for the sake of making ourselves important; of placing our needs in the running for appropriate attention. I like to remind clients that we must “reward the effort, not the outcome.” We can certainly hope for some good changes and a positive reaction, but the reward is in having recognized our needs and then stating them.
That being said, when we do find the courage to state our needs or our feelings about something, the trick is to do it calmly. Using anger or a sharp tone will fall on deaf ears and the message is lost. The best probability of success will come when we remain calm and stick to the facts; this tends to carry the most weight.
As Dr. Jonice Webb states, “Assertiveness is: Speaking up for yourself — in a way that the other person can hear.” A good definition to keep in mind.
To visit Dr. Jonice Webb’s website: https://drjonicewebb.com/
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