My father used to love the expression “I yam what I yam,” quoting from the infamous Popeye. He would often say it in jest, and looking back, I suppose I inferred that it was sort of a “what you see is what you get” type of saying.
Our past; our childhood and lifetime experiences shape us; it will bring to us a very individualized way of processing the world that is unique to us. I suppose we can look at this saying in two ways. When we apply it to ourselves, we have a greater ability to say “Well, while it is true that I am what I am, there are times when perhaps I am doing something that is no longer in my best interest or can be hurtful to others.” If we become aware of these behaviours and move to change them, we can shift from the expression of “I am what I am,” to more of “I am what I choose to become” and we are not so bound to our past.
We can also apply this saying to others in that they really “are what they are.” And because of this, we at times will need to remind ourselves of two things: that people show you who they are early on and that we cannot change another person, only ourselves. A valuable lesson to learn at any age 🙂
I am an avid reader and always have a book on the go. A good friend recently recommended a book to me entitled “The Home for Unwanted Girls” by Joanna Goodman. A novel set in the Eastern Townships of Quebec, there were many reminders for me of having grown up in Vankleek Hill, Ontario where the blend of French and English existed as part of our childhood.
Going through a break up at any stage in life is difficult. We have to be able to try and stay distracted from the desire to completely shut off from the world, while not staying so busy that we completely avoid the feelings we need to process. We have to try and balance the advice of “the less contact, the better” that we instinctively know we should adopt, while at the same time needing our ex for support during a time we feel most vulnerable.
Today marks a month that I have been writing and sharing my blog. Although for a better part of a year I had wanted to begin the blog, certain self-inflicted roadblocks were in my way: 1. I tend to be introverted and when I was in a doubtful space, I would ask myself “who would want to read anything I wrote anyway” (we all have self-doubt sometimes!) and 2. the technical side of anything tends to overwhelm me (just ask my kids when I bug them about the most minor questions concerning my phone!)
Anxiety is adaptive. Because we are pre-programmed to worry, anxiety conforms; it is a system in our body that helps us to deal with real danger. When we see a car come into our lane up ahead, or a bear steps into our path while hiking, anxiety keeps us safe. It alerts our fear response to kick into action, which in turn, helps to try and flee the danger. Seeing anxiety in this way can help us to appreciate the difference between true danger (real threat) and perceived danger (our fear triggers).
A website recently came to my attention. It is called Big White Wall and it is an online peer support and self-management tool for youth 16+ and adults experiencing mild to moderate depression and anxiety. What I really liked about it was that it is available around the clock, it is anonymous, and is staffed by “Wall Guides” who make sure the community is safe and supportive. They have a section where you can post questions and get feedback, a creative section where you can post pics and see other people’s contributions as well, a section called “Useful Stuff” which has many articles to choose from, and a section where you can sign up for courses (usually 3 to 4 weeks) on a variety of topics. All completely free to those living in Ontario!
In a recent article I read titled “The Vicious Cycle of Post traumatic Stress: 4 Cornerstones of PTSD” by Sally Nazari, PsyD and featured on Good Therapy, she talked about how PTSD symptoms can often occur after experiencing a traumatic event. Dr. Nazari writes, “Many different types of events can be traumatic. Trauma responses can follow any major change disruption in a person’s life.” She goes on to write, “In the time immediately following a trauma, many people have experiences of PTSD. In some cases, those experiences decrease over time and the person naturally recovers. It can be helpful to think of PTSD as a process where something got in the way of that natural process of recovery.” 
Today my blog is written by a guest; my eighteen year old daughter, Layne 🙂 While recently on vacation, I invited her to write a post for my blog; I gave her “carte blanche.” What she came up with was quite insightful. Good job, kiddo!
I am an early riser; as part of my own “anchor to my day”, I like to take a daily walk with my dog. This is often quite early in the morning, “dawn’s first light” type of early, and I am pretty good about ignoring the phone in my pocket. I have come to observe over the years that my walk is always where I do my best thinking and I notice things that I would not have paid attention to had I been plugged in. In the spring for example, the predominant noise in the air are the birds, vocalizing their praises to the warmer sun, and yet this time of year, all I can hear are the crickets. Curious as to why, I googled “what is the meaning of crickets chirping?” and I have now learned that it is only the males who chirp as a mating ritual. I guess they are expecting a long, hard winter. 🙂
In a recent podcast I listened to called “Other People’s Problems,” with therapist Hillary McBride, she was showcasing a session with “Maggie” and had this to say about the problematic behaviours we sometimes choose to help us cope with stress and hurt.