Often times when a client is faced with an issue that they are struggling with, we will explore the concept of “Can I change it, accept it or leave it?” Many people have trouble accepting what they are unhappy with (which is often what has led them to therapy in the first place) and so they are bound somewhere in the process of trying to change it.
I have come to learn that out of those three choices, it tends to be in our human nature to try to change something first. Very often, we will attempt to change someone else’s behaviour as this appears to be the most logical solution (sometimes pointing out or telling someone how we feel may be enough to want them to change.) Unfortunately as many of us learn over time, we don’t have the power to change anyone but ourselves. When we gradually come to terms with this, we often then move to trying to adjust our reaction to the behaviour as a way to either instill change or to accept it (sometimes this can work too!) And there will be times, after having exhausted our efforts to come to terms with the issue, we may have to make the choice to leave it. At the very least, the closure of having made that decision, can lead us to shift our focus to areas of movement and growth.
As an important aside; this blog post is meant to be used for issues that are not abusive in nature. Abuse is not acceptable at any level and if you are in an abusive relationship or work environment, please seek help in finding the courage and strength to leave it.
To seek help in Canada: http://endingviolencecanada.org/getting-help/
Photo credit: http://Photo by Javier Allegue Barros on Unsplash