My Child is Gay; Now What?

In an article entitled, “Modern do’s and don’ts for parents of gay kids coming out” by Ryan E. Thompson and featured on CBC Life, Thompson writes about the things to say (or not say) when your child comes out to you. Written with some cheeky wit, Thompson lists 5 key pieces of advice:

  • Foster a positive LGBTQ atmosphere.  “Create a sense of diversity/openness in your home where your kids can feel comfortable if they are questioning. Don’t assume everyone in the world is straight, and your kids will feel less out of place in your home.”
  • Refrain from saying “I’ll love you no matter what.”  “It translates to ‘I love you even though you are gay’ as if gayness were an illness or aberration.” As for a suggested alternative? “How about just ‘Thank you for telling me. I love you.”
  • Don’t make it about you. “Coming out is a big deal in a gay person’s life. For some, it ends up being the most important moment in their lives. It’s a big deal for parents too. Often mothers and fathers need time to adjust, be re-educated and mourn the loss of expectation they had for their kid. Your issues as a parent do deserve attention, but shelving it for a while helps as you and your kids adjust to a new dynamic.”
  • Have an open dialogue. “This one is key. Getting comfortable with your kid’s sexual identity demands conversation but….If your son or daughter doesn’t feel comfortable talking to you right away, or if you don’t feel comfortable talking about it right away, try consulting another gay person or organization.”
  • Refrain from asking if it’s a phase. “Your gay son or daughter knows who they are attracted to the same way you do. Yes, sexuality exists on a spectrum and yes it can be fluid, but If they are coming to you with this information, it’s safe to say they are currently quite sure.”

Some wonderful advice for not only parents, but for aunts and uncles and grandparents too. To read the full article (it was very well written, funny, and goes into much greater detailing than I have included here), go to:

A great resource for parents is Pflag Canada:

Photo credit: http://Photo by Allie Smith on Unsplash

Like this post? Consider subscribing!

Leave a comment