“Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys”

Is a fun way to remind ourselves that we feel more at peace when we can live with as little drama as possible. In our final post of “The Drama Triangle” by Stephen Karpman, we look at how to move away from drama by way of first recognizing the roles we are playing in the conflict and then moving towards a more productive and healthy goal.

If we notice that we are in persecution mode, our goal becomes to move to clearer structure. It is about asking ourselves, “What is my role in this conflict?, am I being flexible?, am I willing to compromise?” This allows us to lessen our angry feelings, moving towards more open thought. Sometimes when dealing with a Persecutor, we can try and use some of these same tactics in our choice of words, but depending on how much of a persecutor we are dealing with, this may fall on deaf ears. Our goal then becomes to not engage, and proceed to moving out of feeling victimized.

If we are feeling as though we are in victim mode, our goal becomes to move to empowerment.  We do this by electing to solve our own problems, begin making decisions (even small ones are movement forward) and by seeking joy. Sometimes this is simply more of an effort in self-care, making sure that each day you are focusing on some activity that brings you a feeling of peace or contentment.

And lastly, if we are feeling that we are in rescue mode, our goal becomes to move to clearer nurturing. The focus is on our role, but this time in the form of boundaries. You might ask yourself, “What is my role here? Am I responsible for this person in this way?” which begins the process of setting some healthy limits in order to move to a supportive role instead of an enabling one.

If we can consciously make the decision to live with less drama in our lives, these goals are attainable. It may take some time, practice and support but the effort will be worth it. After all, it is much less work to be a spectator in a circus, than a performer 🙂

Photo credit: http://Photo by ckturistando on Unsplash

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