I sat with a new mom in session. Her baby was about 4 months old; into a nice routine and able to start bringing her to baby-oriented activities in the community. She was happy to be a new mom, and yet also experiencing some adjustments – including some inner resentment she was feeling towards her husband who was starting his hockey night out every week and was due soon to go hunting for a few days. She noted that she didn’t want to have these feelings.
When we become a new mom, we add that to who we are in terms of our self-identity. And in the first few months of the baby’s life, there is little room for anything else. The baby’s needs take primacy and we quickly realize that our schedule has now been trumped. And that is a necessary reality in the first few months.
Our roles as parents; however, are not meant to be all-or-nothing in terms of our identity – the goal, rather, is to integrate who we are as parents into who we are as people. Now that the baby was four months old, and a tad more predictable, this couple was making sure to have a date night once a month, she was beginning to attend baby groups a couple of times a week, and her husband had resumed some of his interests. And so I asked her “Where is your colour on the calendar?”
Part of the answer to that question will likely come from guilt – I think “Mommy guilt” comes built in – part of it will also come from feeling protective of the baby. All natural feelings, it is still okay to give ourselves permission to have our own space on the calendar. To set some time aside for ourselves, leaving our baby in capable hands, so that we attend our yoga class, have coffee with a friend, plan some girl-time.
Doing so will help to alleviate built up feelings, provide some re-charge time, integrate self-care into our new role and create some healthy habits along the way. 🙂
Photo credit: http://Photo by The Honest Company on Unsplash
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