Yesterday we looked a how a passive style of communication can position ourselves into unimportance; today we will focus on what tends to be an aggressive or dominant form of communication. What characterizes this form of communication is the pull to have your own needs met first. Typically, a person has learned that their needs trump others’ either because as a child their needs were not met (and they defaulted to elbowing their way to the front of the line) or they were taught, through direct or subtle messages, their greater importance in life. Either way, it has come to this person honestly and in order to feel safe, their wants and desires fight for primacy. Sometimes aggressive communication includes anger to get their way (we won’t poke an angry bear, even a silent one) other times it is sheer stubbornness, but either way, others around them will experience that person as selfish, or as a “taker.”
When you use a dominant communication style, the message that you send out is “I am important and you’re not.” Not surprisingly, it is often quite common to see someone with a passive communication style in a relationship with someone who is more dominant; a good example of the “opposite energy attracts” principal at work.
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