In yesterday’s post we learned what ego states are and why they are important to our understanding of the choices that we sometimes automatically make. We learned about child ego states where we end up feeling small, and parent ego states, where we seek to feel powerful. Essentially, neither one of these ego states is where we want to stay – we may land there in default, but it is important for us to recognize how we are feeling and pull out of it.
A good gauge to assess where you tend to go involves immediate reaction – if you feel responsible for someone else’s mood or response and feel powerless to it, you know you are in child ego state. If your immediate reaction tends to be anger, and you move to seeking powerr , you know you are in parent ego state.
Where we aim to be is in an Adult Ego State – it is here that we feel most grounded and settled. It is here that we are able to use both our emotion brain and logical brain to make decisions, and we tend to be less reactive. We can move to not owning someone else’s mood or behaviour; we can move to a less automatic defensive position.
Recognizing is always the first step. Knowing where the potential triggers came from is the second. Deciding to change the way we react is the third. Remember, whatever is learned can be unlearned. 🙂
Photo credit: https://unsplash.com/@hadijasaidi