If you have ever wanted to get an easy to read, common sense book on attachment, I have just finished reading one that I highly recommend!
Entitled “Attached.” by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller, subtitled “The new science of adult attachment how it can help you find – and keep – love,” this book will bring you through the three styles of attachment most commonly found in adult relationships:
“Adult attachment designates three main ‘attachment styles’ or manners in which people perceive and respond to intimacy in romantic relationships, which parallel those found in children: Secure, Anxious and Avoidant. Basically, secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving; anxious people crave intimacy, and are often preoccupied with their relationships, and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back; avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. All people in our society fall into one of these categories, or more rarely, into a combination of the latter two (anxious and avoidant.) Just over 50% are secure, around 20% are anxious, 24% are avoidant, and the remaining 3 to 5% fall into the fourth, less common category.”
Levine and Heller help the reader to not only understand attachment theory in the context of our romantic relationships, they help us to identify which style we, and our partners, ascribe to (with quizzes – got to love those!) and chapters on how to create change so as to move towards secure attachment. I loved this quote about the importance of secure attachment as a way to independence:
“If we had to describe the basic premise of adult attachment in one sentence, it would be: If you want to take the road to independence and happiness, find the right person to depend on and travel down it with that person. Once you understand this, you’ve grasped the essence of attachment theory.”
“A relationship, from an attachment perspective, should make you feel more self-confident and give you peace of mind. If it doesn’t, this is a wake-up call.”
A real gem of a book; it will help you not only understand your partner, but most importantly, yourself, and the relationships that you have been drawn to based on the attachment style that was formed in your childhood. “Attached.” is a worthy read.
Photo credit: Me!
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