The Guidelines of Fighting Fair

When anger strikes, we often lose the ability to fight fairly. Words get said, names get called, tones change, yelling happens. All in the name of needing to be right. For that is what anger does; it propels us to a place where we lose the perspective of wanting a solution and instead need to prove that our opinion is the right one. Unfortunately, there are times when the conflict moves to an unhealthy place. Learning how to fight fair is an important step in having to lessen the degree of repair. Here are 3 guidelines to get us started:

  • No name calling. Hard to do sometimes, but necessary. A hard fast rule: if I don’t call you those names when we aren’t fighting, they aren’t worthy descriptions when we are.
  • Stop the blame game. As soon as you realize that the argument has turned to blaming your partner instead of keeping an open mind to your own culpability, it is time to take a break and let your logic in.
  • Leave the past in the past. Arguments are the perfect time to bring every little mistake made back to the present time ~ or so we think. What it actually does is move the discussion away from what is important (solution) and into a contest of who has the bigger point to prove.

Although there are many guidelines to fighting fairly, these three can become ground rules in a relationship to help keep the conflict on the right track – towards solution, compromise and health.

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