How We Can Honour Our Differences in Relationships

There is often an opposite energy attraction in our intimate relationships. People who lack confidence for example, are often attracted to those who have it. Introverts tend to attract extroverts, passive personalities will often be paired with dominant personalities. Sometimes the differences are linked to a quality (such as shyness), a value (financially secure) or a temperament trait (sensitivity). In any case, we often unknowingly attract ourselves to someone who provides a yin to our yang.

These differences are meant to be complementary to each other. What one lacks the other provides, and there is an element of interconnectedness that creates stability as they interrelate to each other. And yet, these very differences are often most felt when the relationship is under stress – what you used to admire in your partner, you begin to resent.

How then, can we honour the differences in our relationships? The first step is be aware of them. We often navigate blindly, unaware that the differences can teach us something about ourselves. Communicating with each other to acknowledge the difference brings it into the relationship as a working part.

The second step is to accept that they exist. If we don’t accept that the differences are what they are, it can lead us to feeling resentful towards our partners and pushing them towards change (as we usually believe that our position is most valuable.) Accepting our differences allows us to move towards compromise when faced with an issue.

Thirdly, we need to openly communicate about those differences when the relationship is under stress. This is often when the chasm, created by our differences, begins to feel too wide to cross. Being able to talk about the contrast, allows each person to feel a sense of interdependence within the relationship, building a bridge back to the other and rebalancing the yin to our yang. 🙂

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