“I Am Important and So Are You”

Is the healthiest position in the communication styles we have been looking at. Known as assertiveness, it is a way of communicating that validates your own needs without dismissing anyone else’s. Regardless of what communication style you have noticed yourself belonging to, we can always move towards this position to achieve feeling balanced. (As an aside, if you already move from the position of “I am important and so are you”, keep up the good work!)

When we want to honour our own importance, the first step is to be able to recognize our own needs. Sometimes we have to ask ourselves, “What is it I really want in this situation? How do I wanted to be treated?” Once we can identify what we need, the next step is to state it; with the goal to do so as calmly as possible as this will carry more weight and less emotion. Using “I” statements are also a good idea, as they allow you to focus on your own feelings in the situation. For example, “When you show up late, I feel quite uncomfortable and awkward standing outside the theater. Perhaps we can come up with a solution to avoid this happening in the future.”

Of course, you can follow all the rules in honouring both your importance as well as someone else’s and not get the feedback you hoped for and that is okay. What is not to be overlooked is the attempt you made towards improved communication; therefore, we want to reward the effort not the outcome. At the end of the day, you made yourself important and that is to be noted and recognized 🙂

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