In a recent podcast with Iyanla Vanzant on Oprah’s Supersoul Conversations, Iyanla had this to say about what she learned about herself in relationships:
“I learned three things:
- I learned the depth of the wound with my father. Because every man that I was in relationship with, I was trying to get something from that I didn’t get from my father.
- Number 2, I learned the depths to which I would degrade myself to get someone else’s acceptance.
- And then, the other thing that I learned was, I have a right to ask for what I want, and then to choose how I respond, if you can’t give it to me. That is where I learned that you don’t get to tell people how to love you – you get to see how they love you and then you get to choose whether or not you want to participate.”
As I was listening to the podcast, this was a ‘pause’ moment for me. It is a reminder, that in order to get to the third lesson, you have to have gone through the first two. We need to understand what we learned about love from our opposite sex parent, we need to learn where we place ourselves in loving others, and finally, through growth, we learn that we can choose how we are going to be loved.
Well said, Iyanla 🙂
To listen to the full podcast: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/own/oprahs-supersoul-conversations/e/63057756
Photo credit: http://Photo by Shihao Mei on Unsplash
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