Secure attachment is a safe place; one in which we feel a sense of reciprocal loyalty to our partner. Within the context of a healthy relationship, there may be times when we feel a bit territorial; if you are at a social event and it appears that someone has decided to put the charm on your partner, you may get a little prickly feeling, a natural response to someone invading your space.
But what happens when it moves to jealousy? And what does that do to a relationship? The short answer…..it erodes it. Jealousy is a feeling that can border upon and include emotions such as envy, resentment, and bitterness. Jealousy is about unentitled ownership, mistrust, and suspicion; all of which will do nothing to contribute to the health of a relationship. Jealousy is about feeling insecure and placing that vulnerability on the shoulders of your partner; clearly not their job.
When feeling jealous, it is our job to ask ourselves why; to begin to take ownership for how those feelings developed and what we can do to change them. If our partner is excessively flirty or there have been questionable moments of infidelity in the past, that becomes a relationship problem; jealousy may be growing out of what now has become unhealthy.
In any case, jealousy is an emotion we need to keep in check. Leaning into it not only erodes the relationship, it also wears away at our own sense of a confident and secure self.
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Photo credit: https://unsplash.com/@jcotten