Moving right along in our series on the things we can consider giving up in order to optimize our emotional health, today let’s explore giving up our need to please everyone.
We are a relationship species and are driven by the need to attach. As a result, gaining other people’s approval is often the tag-along partner to attachment. This makes sense, as we tend to learn growing up that when we gain someone’s approval, we feel that we also gain their love.
The issue comes when the need to please everyone becomes automatic. When we say yes without actually thinking about it, when the drive to please supercedes the process of asking ourselves if we have the time, energy and support available to agree to something, when our instincts tell us that we are doing something in order to fit it. If we sense that we have come to pleasing others in order to gain approval or avoid someone’s displeasure, we are moving away from our internal system of a strong sense of self.
We are much better served to use the process of discernment before saying yes. “Is the relationship healthy?” “Am I agreeing simply because it is expected of me?” “Do I want to agree…what are my thoughts or feelings about this?”
From here it is about learning how to say no, learning how to express your own opinion, learning that your voice is an important part of who you are.
Let’s give up the need to please everyone…..we will feel a greater sense of pride when we do 🙂
Photo credit: https://unsplash.com/@amorgado87
The liberty afforded by the phrase “Can I get back to you on that?” Priceless!
Exactly!