Last week was a tough one, as my sister and I and our families said goodbye to our dear and loving mom. I don’t think that anything can truly prepare you for losing a parent as it throws you into the vulnerability of the realization of truly being “on your own.”
As I walked with Cricket yesterday and reflected on the past week, it was the dichotomy of grief that came to my mind the most. For as heavy as my heart has felt since being told we had to summon family, it shares that space with feelings of peace; knowing that all of my family members were able to say their goodbyes to her before she passed away. As there are times when I feel it is a death unfair and I have leanings towards anger that I am 47 years old with no parents, there is also room for gratitude as my sister and I are fortunate to have had a childhood filled with wonderful memories; we were given the gift of unconditional love which allowed us to be held in security and give in return. For as often as I get little tinges of fear as I wonder how I am going to live without my mom, I also can feel the strength and courage she has not only passed on to me, but lived by example.
Grief is an individual process and it can push at you to feel alone, and yet all I have to do is think about the unwavering and loving support we have felt from our families, friends, and communities to know that we always have a hand to hold and a shoulder to cry on. Mom died a peaceful death, but more importantly, she lived a peaceful life. I will hold that close to me, for it brings me comfort.
Photo credit: http://Photo by Bruce Hong on Unsplash