One thing that tends to be something worth considering when it comes to our emotional health is the ability to decipher what is ours to carry. We are a relationship species and our attachment system, as a result, creates a need in us to be accepted. Our natural tendency to want to fix something, the lessons we learn growing up about being responsible for other people’s feelings or problems, people-pleasing behaviours – they all have the ability to contribute to the feeling that we are somehow responsible. And as a result, we end up carrying a heavy emotional load.
There is a saying, “not my circus, not my monkeys.” Well, sometimes it is your circus and you may have to slow down whatever is going on to ask yourself how you may have contributed to the situation that you are faced with. Many times, however, it will not be your circus – but you get pulled into the drama or the conflict. As a natural consequence, you wrestle with the unfairness of something, you struggle to understand why this is happening to you.
It is at this point that being aware of what is in your control and what isn’t, is going to help you determine what is yours to carry. When we can separate ourselves from taking something personally, we give ourselves the gift of understanding that acceptance shouldn’t come at a personal cost. “What is mine to carry?” is something important to consider as we come into the new year. 🙂
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