The year after I was first separated, the year I was “alone,” I was also working on getting myself to a place where I would be ready to date again. It was important to me that I reflect upon what I wanted in a future relationship, and so naturally I turned to Dr. Phil 🙂 Actually, I was sitting in my colleague Gurlie’s office and noticed the book “Love Smart” by Dr. Phil McGraw so I asked if I could borrow it.
One of the exercises that I resonated with was one in which Dr. Phil had the reader write down all of the qualities that they wanted to have in an ideal mate; he wanted the page filled and recommended that you write down characteristics, values, physical qualities, ideals about money, sex, religion, politics…essentially anything that was important to you. He also wanted you to write down deal breakers; those things that would make you leave or decide against a relationship.
So I busily went about making the list; “My Ideal Mate!” After I filled the page, Dr. Phil’s advice was this….(paraphrasing) “Keep this page handy when you begin dating. If someone falls into the deal breaker category; end it. Don’t assume that the suspected addiction will go away or their lack of employment is temporary. If you meet someone who passes the deal breaker category and is hitting 80% of your list, they are a potential keeper. The other 20% you work with; you will never find someone who hits 100% of your list.” And guess what? It worked 🙂
80% ideal, 20% we work with. Pretty sound advice for all relationships and a worthy goal for getting back out there.
Photo credit: http://Photo by Désirée Fawn on Unsplash
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